So, I am not a
super-human meditator who lives her life without stress – stress happens to me
everyday as I work part-time as a communications consultant and am also a mum
to a dynamic 7-year old. Meditation
helps me switch my approach to how that stress does, or does not, define
me. I wrote this blog piece a little
while ago but deliberately didn’t publish it at the time so anyone who knows me
wouldn’t jump to conclusions about the mistake in this story – this is how you
can switch your views towards both stress and your ‘mistakes’.
Today I made a mistake at work – one that potentially could
damage a situation with an important contact. It certainly damaged by credibility with the team, as they were annoyed
that I got something ‘so simple’ wrong.
I feel a flood of emotions
– anger at myself for rushing to do this job – yes I was
trying to help out, but no – I did not allow enough time to avoid a silly
mistake
– self-blame and guilt at myself - for not pausing and
thinking
– blaming others – if
we weren’t under such pressure as a team right now, would I have made this mistake?
– critical analysis
of the situation - what could I have done
to avoid this? Where did I go wrong? What should I do next time?
Now, I reflect back and realise this silly mistake happened
from a position of fear and stress. By being
worried about lack of time to get everything completed, worried about missing a
deadline, worried about being ‘good enough’, wanting to prove I can be helpful
and supportive – I rushed and messed up – so in fact was the opposite of the
helpful person I was trying to be.
Before I learn from this, I feel guilt, blame, self-deprecation
and I start to spiral on a downward cycle of sadness, guilt, upset and
self-blame. I start feeling ‘what a bad
day’. I start letting this singular event define my day, define my mood and if
I don’t stop it will define if I sleep tonight and how I step forward from this
mistake tomorrow.
I have to stop – as I am doing the school run today – but all
these thoughts and feelings bubble in me on the walk in the sunshine (do I even
notice the lovely day?). In a conversation with a friend I think I just ranted
about my work. Holding my child’s hand - do I give him any attention? I vent to
my boyfriend (pretty inconsiderate as he’s unwell and in bed feeling sorry for
himself) and then finally, several hours later, I pause.
I remember my mindfulness meditation training and daily practice
and now I truly stop and pause.
I pay attention to how I am breathing and take just a few
moments to notice all these negative and unhelpful emotions bubbling in
me. Then I consciously try to breathe
out each negative emotion, one at a time, feeling the shift, feeling the anger
and guilt start to shift.
I become more rational, more focused, more able to look at
the situation objectively. I realise it
is only from this place of calm can I learn from my mistakes. If I carry on
from a place of stress – I am likely to do the same again – make silly mistakes,
or not be able to see another way to approach a particular challenge.
I invite you to try to notice when you are on this ‘stress’ autopilot
in the day and how long it is before you pause.
The quicker you build in the pause – the faster the stress will pass and
the faster you can deal with a particular situation – or perhaps avoid making a
mistake in the first place.
In my mindful pause, what I notice most is how at first I
feel such a heavy burden of failure. After
meditation, I am thinking more clearly and feel much less a failure - now I am just a person who made a mistake.
Yes, I made a mistake – but not everything about my day was
a mistake – meditating helps me treasure all the moments of joy that I missed
earlier and all the great things I completed at work. It makes me want to act on the
mistakes I made. Make time to make a
cuppa for my boyfriend, read a story to our son, call my friend to apologise
for ‘ranting’. Appreciate all the wonderful things that happened today.
Appreciate that mistakes happen and there will be consequences, so I need to be
in a calm, focused state - not a stressed one to be able to deal with work
tomorrow - to present a way to move forward and some other positive steps that can turn things around for the team I am working with.
So with that I am off to meditate again!
